Has it really been a month?

Well, actually, no. Several weeks though...not good. Let's see - what to write, what to write, what...

I know! Covers! About 95% of them are crap. There's only one reason for a band to do a cover: if they can bring a fresh, different interpretation of their own to the song. I'm bringing this up because I just today heard two covers; one of "Stand By Me" performed by John Lennon, and another of "That's When I Reach For My Revolver", performed by Moby. I like John, and I like Moby, but these are song that were done right the first time. No need to mess about with these songs. These guys have more than enough talent and creativity to either come up with a song that needs to be redone ("Voices Carry", for example), or just to come up with an original of their own.

One notable exception to this rule of covers applies to live performances - if you can perform a true and faithful reproduction live, then fine, go ahead. One performance that comes to mind is 10,000 Maniacs doing "Because the Night" on MTV Unplugged (pulled from YouTube...grrrrr!!!).

Once again, just to make it clear...

Good:

Transcendant:

Bad. Really, really, really bad:


Effing Olsen twins...



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Listening to: Dinosaur Jr. - Start Choppin (LP Version)
via FoxyTunes

Why so serious, son?

This must be his secret to the Batman voice...scream at the help until you're effing raw!

NSFW!!



You can download this song for free here.

You're welcome!



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Listening to: CSS - Let's Make Love And Listen To Death From Above
via FoxyTunes

Shut your Wii hole, Chad!

Meet Chad Sexington:



At least that's what I call him. I chose the male trainer because I didn't want to work out in front of a chick in my current condition.

I HATE this MFer. If you have a Wii Fit, I'm sure you know what I mean. I hate his stupid pony tail, and I hate his biketardy outfit. This A-hole actually called in sick once and I had to workout with the female trainer. "Your regular triner couldn't make it today, so I'll be filling in for him," she said. WTF?!? What did he have, a dentist appointment? A funeral to attend? Anonymous gay sex date at an internet superhighway rest stop?

Anyway, Chad is a total douche. Yes, Chad, I am a bit shaky...maybe because you've got me standing tip-toe on one leg, balancing a ball on my nose like a fucking trained seal. And seriously, I don't need to hear that the exercise I'm doing is popular because it helps you tone your upper arm like 5 times over the course of a 60 second workout.

I usually do pretty well until he starts yapping at me. I swear to god, I'm gonna chop that douchey little ponytail right off your smug, symmetrical head.


I actually have lost a couple pounds over the past couple of weeks. I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I am now avoiding excessive snacking because I don't want my video game ridiculing me than it has to do with any physical benefit from the workouts.

I love my goddamn Wii Fit...


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Listening to: Sonic Youth - Bull in the Heather
via FoxyTunes

AN ATHEIST OF SORTS

'Tis the season, the season I affectionately refer to as "X-Mess". A time of panic, of violence in suburban malls, of depression, of religious extremists ranting endlessly about how the fact that other beliefs are tolerated during this time of year makes the Baby Jesus cry.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

For a while, probably from my early teens up to a few years ago, my feeling towards this season wobbled between indifference to outright hostility. I was at times disgusted by the displays of greed and patronizing lip service to the religious symbolism of Christmastime.

Then I found Jesus.



Just kidding!

Actually, what turned my feeling towards the holidays around is a tradition we adopted several years back. Sy and I realized that it was silly to buy each other a bunch of presents every Christmas. After all, we could pretty much afford to buy anything we really wanted at any time - why not give to people who don't enjoy that luxury?

We usually go and buy toys to donate to Toys For Tots, as well as going to the supermarket to buy some stuff for the food shelf. This actually makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about this time of year. I think that this is a great way to celebrate with, as well as pass on our values to, our son. Plus, it helps me take on this smug air towards all you miscreants who are reading this right now!

Now, when jerk-asses cut me off recklessly in traffic because they're all stressed out from trekking endlessly from mall to mall, I don't swear nearly as much. I barely even wish death upon them. And if Jesus has a problem with the way I spend his birthday, he can take it up with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But I'm pretty sure Jesus would be OK with this.

Have a wonderful holiday, everybody, whatever it is you do. And may His Noodly Appendage embrace you this season!

The Whom Now?

Hello again, random recipients of my trickle-down of postings! Now, I don't usually do requests, but seeing as how I've been ignoring my commenters to the point that my readership now resembles the dried up fern corpse sitting in the dark corner over there, I thought I'd answer a question that eraty posed in a comment to my previous post...what do I think of The Who?

I think they're pretty good, I guess. Pete Townsend certainly had flashes of brilliance ("Behind Blue Eyes", "Eminence Front", "Love, Reign O'er Me", "Let My Love Open The Door"), and nobody, but nobody, has got better songs about pinball and squeezeboxes.

But mostly, when I think of The Who, I think of this stupid thing I heard on the radio a few years ago, making fun of then Minnesota Governator Jesse "The Mind" Ventura.

And then I think of this:


Which inevitably leads me to this:


And from there I'm on YouTube half the damn day.

So yeah, I'd say The Who are good, yet uneven band; a better than average outfit overshadowed by the British supergroups they were unfortunate enough to have rose to prominence with.



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Listening to: Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
via FoxyTunes

Something's really been bugging me for the past couple of

years. If you were to imagine that the text over here was

the red and white stripes, and the picture over there was

the blue field of stars, then this would be the proper way to

display the flag. I've had it up to here [points to top of pointy

head]. I know that the rationale is that the flag should look

like it's always moving forward, but anyone who knows

anything about military strategy can tell you what a ridiculous plan that would be...

WTF is up with the serif-cursor?

Are you like me? Are you unable to accomplish any valuable goofing-off because you can't take your eyes off the cursor that's been showing up all over the tubes of the internets? It's featured prominently on Wikipedia, and even on the Blogger sign-in page.

You know the one -- it's like a normal up and down line just like all the other cursors out there, but with an ever-so-minuscule pixel sticking out on the top right. I try to turn my head away, but my eyeballs stay glued to that little digitumor.



There! You see that little fucker right there? You might have to click on the picture to magnify it. It's sticking out like it's a part of the "f" in the search field, but letters don't stick out past the edge of the cursor! (Yeah, I do happen to look up cows on Wikipedia a lot...what of it?!?)

I've practically worn a hole in my monitor screen trying to scrape that little fucker off with my fingernail. Maybe I should sue them - I think I could site The People v. Opti-Grab (Navin Johnson, et. al.) as precedence. I'll take 'em for everything they've got...except maybe the ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.



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Now playing: Damone - Out Here All Night
via FoxyTunes