Alice In Wonderland? Must be a rip off of that "Alice In Underpants" movie I saw

Try to watch this for less than half an hour.

Impossible.

And because I love you, here's where you can download the song for free, just like Sideshow Bob did!


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Listening to: Mogwai - Time and A Half
via FoxyTunes

Shut your Wii hole, Chad!

Meet Chad Sexington:



At least that's what I call him. I chose the male trainer because I didn't want to work out in front of a chick in my current condition.

I HATE this MFer. If you have a Wii Fit, I'm sure you know what I mean. I hate his stupid pony tail, and I hate his biketardy outfit. This A-hole actually called in sick once and I had to workout with the female trainer. "Your regular triner couldn't make it today, so I'll be filling in for him," she said. WTF?!? What did he have, a dentist appointment? A funeral to attend? Anonymous gay sex date at an internet superhighway rest stop?

Anyway, Chad is a total douche. Yes, Chad, I am a bit shaky...maybe because you've got me standing tip-toe on one leg, balancing a ball on my nose like a fucking trained seal. And seriously, I don't need to hear that the exercise I'm doing is popular because it helps you tone your upper arm like 5 times over the course of a 60 second workout.

I usually do pretty well until he starts yapping at me. I swear to god, I'm gonna chop that douchey little ponytail right off your smug, symmetrical head.


I actually have lost a couple pounds over the past couple of weeks. I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I am now avoiding excessive snacking because I don't want my video game ridiculing me than it has to do with any physical benefit from the workouts.

I love my goddamn Wii Fit...


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Listening to: Sonic Youth - Bull in the Heather
via FoxyTunes

"Three simple words: I. Am. Gay."

In lieu of the regularly scheduled Friday Random 10, today we bring you a post in the classic "It All Comes Back to the Simpsons" style:

Everyone reacts to tragedy differently...some people decide to dedicate their lives to some cause or another, some give to charity, some spend time with their loved ones, some copulate furiously with strangers. Me: I go shopping. Hardly a manly reaction, I know, but that's just what I do.

After 9/11, I went out and bought a laptop computer. After the death of a friend last year, I bought all kinds of useless crap, including, no lie, a pair of blue suede shoes. And following the collapse of the I-35W bridge earlier this week, I went and got some clothes. Luckily, I did have Sy along with me on all these occasions, so I could plausibly create the impression that it was mostly her doing the shopping and I was just along for company, but deep down I know it's shamefully true: when disaster strikes, I put on my sissy pants and go shopping. It feels a little better to admit it...but not much.

This bridge collapse has touched me on a fairly personal level. Although I prefer to keep to the streets laid out by my drunken Irish forefathers in St. Paul, I had been on that bridge many times. It's amazing that the number of casualties is so relatively low, considering what it could have been.

In a spirit of tribute (and possibly in a sprit of my latent melodramatic homosexual leanings), I offer up this beautiful song by Minneapolis band February to pay respect to the victims and their families:

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