Shut your Wii hole, Chad!

Meet Chad Sexington:



At least that's what I call him. I chose the male trainer because I didn't want to work out in front of a chick in my current condition.

I HATE this MFer. If you have a Wii Fit, I'm sure you know what I mean. I hate his stupid pony tail, and I hate his biketardy outfit. This A-hole actually called in sick once and I had to workout with the female trainer. "Your regular triner couldn't make it today, so I'll be filling in for him," she said. WTF?!? What did he have, a dentist appointment? A funeral to attend? Anonymous gay sex date at an internet superhighway rest stop?

Anyway, Chad is a total douche. Yes, Chad, I am a bit shaky...maybe because you've got me standing tip-toe on one leg, balancing a ball on my nose like a fucking trained seal. And seriously, I don't need to hear that the exercise I'm doing is popular because it helps you tone your upper arm like 5 times over the course of a 60 second workout.

I usually do pretty well until he starts yapping at me. I swear to god, I'm gonna chop that douchey little ponytail right off your smug, symmetrical head.


I actually have lost a couple pounds over the past couple of weeks. I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I am now avoiding excessive snacking because I don't want my video game ridiculing me than it has to do with any physical benefit from the workouts.

I love my goddamn Wii Fit...


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Listening to: Sonic Youth - Bull in the Heather
via FoxyTunes

Democracy? In China? That'll never work...

Damn, never thought I'd see the day. Chinese Democracy will be a reality in just a couple of hours. I, myself, have heard only one track, but if that song is representative of the rest on the album, then I hope the world will join me in giving Axl and the boys a heartfelt, "Over a decade? For that?!?"

This album has been in the works since, like, around 1994 or so, and has faced numerous delays. Here, then, I present a (partial) list of things that took less time (or at least seemed to) than it took for Guns 'n' Roses to release Chinese Democracy:


*Tolstoy writes War and Peace

*Disco born, dies

*Liquor in U.S. outlawed, re-legalized

*WWI and WW2 fought to completion

*Wars waged against Iraq by two different men named George Bush

*Black man elected President of United States

*Triassic Period


Make sure to go to drpepper.com on Sunday to download your free Dr. Pepper coupon. Nice to know that some CEOs are men of their words...


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Listening to: Velvet Revolver - Fall to Pieces
via FoxyTunes

"Good Night Springton...There Will Be No Oncores!"

What I learned this past weekend:

Hippies, like the Amish, should not be entrusted with the task of setting up a sound-stage...

Sy and I went (with a couple of friends in tow) to the Bike-in-at the-Bell, which is an outdoor festival organized by people whom some might refer to as "biketards". Now, when I say organized, I'm using that word in its most liberal sense, and when I say liberal, I'm using that word as another way of saying clusterf*@%.

I arranged this whole outing in order to see my new favorite local band, Best Friends Forever, unseating my previous favorite local band, February, in the process...which is just as well, seeing as they've been defunct for about four years now.

The show opened with a trio called Ladyslipper. They played a few songs, five or six I think, before the singer announced, "We are Ladyslipper, and we have no power." We weren't sure if he meant that the power to the amps and stacks had gone out, or if this was just a general observation of the bands socio-political standing.

They (Ladyslipper) were competent enough; in fact, I was quite impressed with the drummer. I suppose the singer/guitarist was OK, but what I'll remember most about him isn't his hard-driving riffs or his gravelly voice, but the sight of him striking out while trying to arrange a three-way with a couple of girls in the crowd after his set had ended. Ouch!

Following Ladyslipper, a tap dancing trio called the Shim-Sham Shufflers took the stage. I have only one piece of advice for them: if tapdancing is your "thing", maybe you shouldn't have the music blaring so loudly that it drowns out any noise those little metal plate thingies on the soles of your shoes make. Put a microphone down on the floor of the stage or something, for goshsakes!

Finally, BFF took the stage. They opened up with a cover of a Steely Dan song:



Now I can't get that damn song out of my head. They were able to play three more songs before the power went out again, and that was all we got. Four songs. Man, that sucks. It was real fun while it lasted though...they had great stage banter and the least awkward crowd interaction I think I've ever experienced.

They're going out on tour now, and won't be back in my area until late August, so maybe I'll have to go see them again then. Check out their MySpace page for tour info...I guarantee a good time if you catch their show.*



*Not a guarantee.