What is your issue?

Well, I'd like to get right to the Friday Random Ten today, but first I have to make sure the yellow ribbon magnet on my car is straight, and then I have to put on the CD from that good ol' boy Keith Toby, and finally I have to make sure I have all of the little American flag pins on that my lapel can hold without threatening its structural integrity. (While there is no "minimum" per se, if you want to wear more than 15 pieces of flair, the government encourages you to do so.)

While I take care of all these patrotic "honey-dos", please enjoy this feature from America's finest news source, once again with a finger on the pulse of our nation:




OK, I slapped on a new bumper sticker double-dog daring anyone to try and burn this flag, and I yelled at no fewer than three people to "start talking American"...let's get down to business.

1)Fiona Apple - Paperbag.

My favorite song from When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You Know That You're Right.

Yeah, she's a little wordy. Unamerican, I know, but I'll allow it.

2)Radiohead - Pyramid Song.

I still haven't downloaded In Rainbows yet...still debating what price to pay. This could go on for weeks.

3)Beck - Satan Gave Me a Taco.

Speaking of tacos, everyone gets a free one at Taco Bell from 2-5PM this Tuesday, as part of a World Series promotion. Tim McCarver supposed, rightly I think, that Taco Bell would probably give away far more tacos if the promotion ran from 2-5AM.

4)Candlebox - You.

Apparently, these guys reformed earlier this year after being defunct since 2000.

Yeah, I don't care either.

5)Gallows - Black Heart Queen.

Not bad at all for a free iTunes download.

6)Morphine - Whisper.

This is perhaps the most aptly named band ever. I feel a little high and a little strung out just listening to this.

7)Pixies - Hey.

I wish the Muppet show was still on when the Pixies were big, just so I could've seen them Muppetize this song. How awesome would that have been?

8)Silverchair - Lie To Me.

A hard-charging, minute-and-a-half grungefest.

9)Matisyahu - King Without a Crown.

I love it when disparate posts of this blog come together.

10)PJ Harvey - Man-size.

Speaking of PJ, I cannot wait to get her new CD, White Chalk. Yes, even in this age of intenet tubes and downloads, with some music I just have to have some sort of tangible talisman that I can hold and drool all over. Mmmmm....possessions!

Modest Yahoo

When I first heard this song, I thought the artist was called "Modest Yahoo"...it was months (and many futile iTunes searches) later, that I stumbled upon his correct name: Matisyahu, which is a Hebrew word meaning 'bashful ululation', as far as I know.

I play this song nearly every day, preferably when I'm outdoors...it gives me the warm fuzzies. I can honestly tell you that it the best Chasidic reggae jam I've ever heard - give it a listen/view.




Wasn't that great?

Well..WASN'T IT?!?!?

The Friday Random Ten

First, and this has nothing to do with music, but it's been screwing with my head since I first saw it, check this little mental test out:



Christ, this is worse than those magic-eye things!



It took me three views to get it to change from clockwise to counterclockwise, and then once I finally got it going counterclockwise, I couldn't get it going back the other way.

So, which way do you spin?

OK, enough, let's get to the musics:

1)Modest Mouse - One Chance.

God, I love MM. So why haven't I picked up We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank? Because mind your own business, that's why!

2)Tori Amos - Cruel.

Ahhh...this is off of her first album to be roundly dissed by critics. I think these critics were pretty unfair - most of the material here is actually adventurous and progressive. Except for that stupid song about Jackie O.

3)RHCP - Give It Away.

There's a special place in my heart for this band and this song in particular. Aside from the fact that it's a good song that reminds me of good times, it was featured on the Simpsons, where Krusty suggests, a la Ed Sullivan, that they change the lyric from "What I've got, you've got to get and put it in you" to "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you". To this day, I still sing that version of the lyric.

4)Coldplay - We Never Change.

Wow, that really threw the brakes on. I like this whole album, by far the least pretentious of all the Coldplay catalog.

5)Jimi Hendrix - Manic Depression.

By far my favorite Hendrix song. The swirling beat, the driving beat, the bong-rattling bass...what's not to love?

6)Pixies - Ed Is Dead.

It just wouldn't feel like an FRT without either the Pixies or the White Stripes showing up. This is not one of my favorites by the Pixies.

7)The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??

The Oklahoma boys ask some questions that we all know the answers to but do our best to ignore.

8)CSS - Alala.

I can't get enough of this song.

I just played it three times.

Awesome.

9)PJ Harvey - That Was My Veil.

Goddamn, PJ is amazing.

10)Pop Will Eat Itself - Not Now James, We're Busy.

This is, bar none, the best song ever about James Brown's arrest on domestic battery charges.

All in all, a fine Random Ten this Friday. And it was even two-fer free...can't beat that!

1)

Hell is rotoscoped

Has this ever been had this experience?

You're sitting there enjoying one of the many fine, substandard programs on offer from our great cultural unidirectional chumbucket we call TV, when you're visually accosted by this:




I HATE these GDMFing commercials...am I the only one who finds them disturbing to look at? This process of superimposing animation over film is called "rotoscoping". Can you say "rotoscoping"? Good, I knew you could!

It feels like my guts are slowly trying to turn inside out when I see these things. I literally will scramble across the room, dive across the couch for the remote and turn the TV right the eff off. You should see it - I pretty much look like that new James Bond dude in an intense action sequence.

While looking for this commercial on YouTube, I came across some interesting info: an entire film, A Scanner Darkly, was made utilizing this technology. Here's the trailer:



This, for some reason, is far less disturbing to me, which I find extremely odd given the fact that it subjects me to Keanu Reeves. Maybe it's all the other effects they use, maybe it's the fact the film is more of an artistic endeavor than just blatant, pornographic commercialism...I'm not sure.

And just because I feel that there is not enough YouTubery contained in this post, here's funnyman Jim Gaffigan talkin' 'bout some bacon:

Friday Random Ten

I must say I've been inspired by this thing Radiohead's doing with their new album, and in that spirit, I offer up to you an FRT available to you at whatever price you, dear readership, feel worthy. Oh sure -- I might offend some of the 'Blue Noses' with my cocky stride and musky odor. Oh, I'll never be the darling of the town fathers, who cluck their tongues, and stroke their beards, and say "What's to be done with this Sideshow Bob!" But for youse guys, that's a cross I'm willing, no, honored, to bear.

1)Vercua Salt - Venus Man Trap.

I remember this song was, for a time, used as the background music for MTV promos. You know, back when the "M" wasn't there for kitsch.

2)De La Soul (feat. The Jungle Bros. and Q-Tip) - Buddy.

Another rap about penises...yawn!!!

3)Cake - Satan is My Motor.

Man, these guys love those automotive metaphors! Pretty jazzy little number too.

4)Mazzy Star - Before I Sleep.

I just hafta saijwrg kgrw ......................oh, sorry, just nodded off to this aural Ambien.

5)Rolling Stones - She's a Rainbow.

Man, it seems like the Rolling Stones have reinvented themselves more than Madonna and the wheel combined. We've got the Blues Stones, the Disco Stones, the lame 90s Grandpa Stones, and these, the Psychedelic Stones. Damn, what would they have done if they hadn't had John, Paul, George, and Ringo to pattern themselves after?

6)White Stripes - Take, Take, Take.

A great song about a creepy celebrity stalker and the logical gymnastics that drive him. And damn it, there just aren't enough songs about starlets from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Great production on the low end of this song!


7)White Stripes - Walking With a Ghost.
I purchased (and not stole!) this song for the express purpose of trying to get Sy to see the awesomeness of this song. She'd heard the original, by Tegan and Sara, and thought it sucked, which it totally does not! I don't think she likes this version too much either, and frankly, I don't think it's anywhere near as good as the original.

8)Nirvana - Tourette's

A minute and a half of full-on rocking power. Good stuff!

9)Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien.

Damn, why won't it play something from In Rainbows? Oh well, expect a review of the whole album shortly, relatively speaking.

10)Best Friends Forever - The BFF Theme Song.

"Because it (doo da doo) is hard to (doo da doo) sing for (doo da doo) pissy people..."

I love that line!

Well, I hope you all found that to be worth something. Any donations you wish to send can be sent...ah, who'm I kidding?

Radiohead's noble experiment

This year, October 10th is more than just the day after Leif Erikson Day. No, it's not St. Swithins Day already - today is the day that Radiohead is releasing their new album, In Rainbows. As of now, it's available only through a download on the album's website, and you get to name your price. That's right, no more will The Man be telling you how much to pay for your music. Not since Abby Hoffman's Steal This Book has such a bold marketing scheme (or anti-marketing scheme, really) been used.

But let's think this through and get on the same page here people. Radiohead is trying to get a good thing going for us...let's not try any of that $0.02 crap (why the hell is there no cent sign on my keyboard!?!?!) It's Radiohead, it's bound to be good, so just pony up the dough.

Thank you.

Friday random ten

Well, the big news around these parts is that mean old single mother victimized the good, honest, decent folks at our nation's gleaming repositories of ethics and morals, the recording industry. A jury returned a verdict that worked out to around $130 for each music file that was traced back to her computer.

This, to me, is ridiculous. I consider all the funds the music industry loses to illegal downloads as payback for all the records, tapes, and CDs that you run out and buy after hearing a fantastic song, only to find that every other song on the album is crappy filler. Payback!

Enough of that, anyway...here's the music my iPod spits out at me, which as far you know, was all obtained on the up-and-up:

1) Sleater-Kinney - The Fox.

A great way to start off the FRT. Not even a threat of legal action can diminish the awesome buzz I get from this song. I would change the ending of this song slightly if I had my druthers, but I'm probably being too picky.

2)Pixies - Something Against You.

Sweet. Picking my favorite song off of Surfer Rosa is sort of like picking my favorite kid...OK, that's a bad example, as I only have one kid, but I think you catch my meaning.

3) Modest Mouse - The Devil's Workday.

Speaking of illegal things, this song speaks of freezing a sack of puppies. But it's not as bad as it sounds. It's actually a pretty good song with a jazzy feel. Trust me, no puppies were hurt in the illegal downloading of this song.

4)Incubus - Pardon Me.

Not really sure why I have this song. I guess I'm just so crazy for illegal downloading, that I'll grab anything off of the internet. God, I ::heart:: illegal downloading!!!!!!!!!!! It just makes me feel so alive!

5)Peter Gabriel - A Different Drum.

NO, your eyes aren't deceiving you, that's a Peter Gabriel song. It's off of the Last Temptation of Christ soundtrack, which is a great, great, really great album...none of that "Sledgehammer" crap. In fact, I love this album so much, I didn't even have to download it illegally, I just went out and bought the durned thing! And then I illegally down loaded it. A few times. It's that good.

6)The Breeders - Hoverin'

This is, from what I gather, a relatively rare version of the song "Hoverin'" that I got off of the "Divine Hammer" single. Sounds like they recorded it in the bathroom, but in a good way.

7)Pixies - Levitate Me.

Man, today's FRT is a little heavy on the Pixies/Breeders. Must be time to expand the playlist. Through illegal downloading.

8)Weezer - No One Else.

I like this song, but damn...it's just so sexist. I really think it's about time we come together as a society and focus on eliminating the scourge of sexism. As an added bonus, that'll take the focus off of me and the gobs and gobs of illegal downloads I illegally download.

9)White Stripes - Icky Thump.

Some bands are jsut so awesome that I can't in good conscience illegally download their songs. OK, actually, that's not true, but there are some bands that I actually feel a slight twinge of guilt about illegally downloading. The White Stripes are in that group...but that almost makes me want to do it more. I need help - I'm a sick, sick man.

10)Red Hot Chili Peppers - Breaking the Girl.

Every RHCP song you illegally download makes Flea cry. Jeebus, I have seen the errors of my ways - no more illegal, not to mention immoral, downloads of songs for me. From here on out, I'm just gonna stick with my more agreeable passions, recreational drugs and dog fighting.

Have a great weekend. See you suckers later!

Et tu, Hum?

Most people hate Michael Jackson due to his connoisseurship of trampy pre-teen boys who were probably just asking for it anyways. Me, I despise him for something he did long before (as far as I know) he developed a taste for the wee lads: selling out to The Man. He really set the ball rolling back when he sold a song he didn't even write to Nike. With all the little child slaves making the latest AirShox, it's obvious that nearly all of the $175 is going to the music publishing company.


Now, though, I will shift away from my perennial favorite target of Nike and onto the current object of my scorn, Cadillac. First they took the joy out of this song:



Now they've taken one of my favorite songs of all time (Stars, by Hum) has been sullied by the perverted corporate hand. Of course, I realize that it does take two to slam-dance, and I would be disusing my scorn if I didn't acknowledge the fact that sellout musicians (I'm looking at you , Gordon Gano) weren't, well, selling out.

I do grant sellout exemptions in certain instances, such as Willie Nelson, who got totally screwed by the government due in no small part to the fact that he's a successful man that loves the weed, and the Beatles, who had nothing to do with the selling of "Revolution" to those bastages at Nike.




And I guess I can forgive the now defunct Hum for selling the rights to their song...at least it's to an American car company. And no one who writes such an awesome song should ever have to have a day job again.

P.S. Screw Nike!